


The Wrong Path

by ashisfriendly



Series: Absolutes [1]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, F/M, Forbidden Love, Jedi Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5532653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashisfriendly/pseuds/ashisfriendly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Padawan Les Knope and her new Jedi Master, Ron Swanson, are about to embark on their first assignment together. But when her old classmate, Benji Wyatt, and his master join them, Les discovers more about the Galaxy, the Force, and herself than she ever imagined. || Star Wars AU, during the Old Republic</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wrong Path

**Author's Note:**

  * For [c00kie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/c00kie/gifts).



> MERRY CHRISTMAS HANA!!!!!!! I hope you wanted sexually charged lightsaber duels from Santa this year. You mean the world to me and no gift I ever write you will show that enough but have this anyway. I love you!!!

The Temple is quiet that morning, the soft lights bouncing off the sleek greys and blacks with a cold tranquility. Cold in a good way, like when it’s chilly out on the second floor observation deck in the early hours of the morning. Unlike out there, it’s quiet inside, everyone speaking in hushed voices, their steps quiet as they walk along the tile floor. 

Les bites her bottom lip to keep her smile under control. She ascends the stairs from the Great Hall and quickens her steps as she turns right toward the hangars. There are more stairs to climb then another to run down before she’s made it to hangar 412. She runs into Master Howser, quickly apologizing as she runs through the bay. 

“Les.”

She stops, surprised to find him already at the hangar. She’s early, not really on purpose; she couldn’t sleep anyway.

“Oh!” Les takes a step back, remembering that her master doesn’t really enjoy hugging or any kind of touching really. “Master, you’re early.”

“Yes.” There’s a long pause before Master Ron clears his throat. “Let’s go.”

Les follows him across the hangar, smiling and nodding at the other Jedi that pass through, certainly on their own assignments. She’s only been with her master for a month now; this is her first assignment. Or rather, as Master Ron has told her countless times, _his_ assignment. 

She straightens her shoulders and tips up her chin. Oh well, it doesn’t matter, she gets to leave the Temple for an assignment, an assignment that the Jedi Council discussed and appointed _her_ master to oversee, thus allowing her to help. _She_ was going on assignment.

“Master,” Les says, quickening her pace so she can walk with him. His gait is long and her legs are short so she takes two steps for every one of his. “Do you have the briefing details from the Council? I wanted to look over them, I think it’d be important for me--”

“I’ll decide what’s important for you.”

“Oh, right,” Les says, lowering her eyes, “of course. Thank you, Master.”

There’s a long pause, but when they approach a ship that Les assumes will be theirs for the next few days, Master Ron taps her shoulder in some kind of awkward gesture of apology as he mumbles, “I actually haven’t gone over them that much.”

He hands her his datapad and approaches the pilot without another word. Les jumps on the balls of her feet and looks at the datapad, tapping buttons to get to the correct files. Master Ron’s datapad is a horrible mess of old files and outdated information, mismatched and uncategorized. She’ll fix it.

“Good morning, Les.”

She looks up quickly, mumbling a good morning, but when she doesn’t quite recognize the man in front of her, she snaps her eyes up again. It’s Benji, Benji from her classes with Master Howser and Benji who went off with his own master a month or two before she did. Benji, who now has a beard covering his usually angular face. It’s a short, messy beard, but it suits him and contrasts nicely with his hair that always looks slightly slept on. His braid still hangs over his right shoulder, but he’s wearing new, darker brown robes. His lightsaber hangs from his hip from a new woven leather holster. He looks good, and very grown up as if she’s seeing the future in him.

That familiar tug hooks into her chest and lifts her. She can smell the fumes from the ships a little clearer, and energies from around the entire Temple criss cross through her, weaving quicker than usual. There’s a light scent of fresh rain in the forest in her nose, almost like she can taste the water on her tongue. It’s been a long time since she’s felt that.

“Benji. Hi.”

He smiles at her, that soft smirk he reserves for his small victories. Like beating Barney in a spar when they were seven, or that one time he teased that he could probably lift her up with the Force alone and he, surprisingly, got her feet two inches off the ground. That was when they were seven. Was sneaking up on her with a whole new look a small victory? 

“How are you?”

“I’m good, great! I’m going on assignment.”

“I know,” he says.

She tilts her head just as Master Ron calls to her. Les excuses herself but Benji follows her. She can feel him behind her. He’s always had a strong, hard feel to him, like the Force moves through him with more solidity than other Jedi. 

Les feels it then, the reason Benji’s here, with a sudden clarity. She whips around and he almost runs into her.

“You’re coming.”

“Excuse me?” Benji asks, coughing.

“You’re coming with us.”

“Yes, Master Jenn was assigned with Master Ron.” Benji’s eyebrow raises just a little. “Ron didn’t tell you?”

“No,” Les says, shaking her head, “he didn’t.”

Her shoulders slump a little, her chin falling as she turns around to keep walking toward the ship. She feels Benji grab her arm and she spins toward him, his hand falling before she turns all the way around. 

“Jenn doesn’t tell me things all the time,” he whispers. 

Les smiles weakly, her chest warming. The pull is back and she may even see Benji sway before Master Ron speaks.

“Master Jenn and Benji are coming with us,” he says, then quickly boards the ship.

Jenn follows him and Les and Benji share a look. He rolls his eyes and walks up the ramp, looking back at her before he disappears into the ship. 

Les picks up her chin again. She’s going on her first assignment, an assignment given by the Jedi Council. She can do this.

\--

The ship is dark and has the faint smell of something sweet and greasy. There’s a cargo hold underneath the floor of the main hold where there are a few chairs and a metal table. Through a narrow hallway that’s lined with steel bunk beds, there’s another, smaller hold lined with cushions on the ground that reminds Les of a few of the meditation rooms in the Temple. On the way to the cockpit is a small galley kitchen that looks like it hasn’t been used in quite a long time. 

Their pilots, a scruffy-looking wall of a man, and a tiny young woman with long black hair, are kind... vulgar. Maybe Les has spent too much time in the Temple, but she’s never seen anyone grab someone’s ass after complimenting their piloting skills. She even caught them stealing kisses in the cockpit and it made Les’ cheeks burn.

After that, she spends her time in the hold, cross legged in one of the big, old seats, examining Master Ron’s datapad. She wants to go over the details of their assignment, but the disorganized mess of the thing can’t get out of her head so she handles that first. She finds details from past assignments, communications from other Masters, the Council itself, and Jedi Knights. She organizes them with easy to identify labels since she knows Master Ron won’t care for her to explain her system. 

By the time she’s done with that, she’s over-stuffed with information. She didn’t mean to read so much from any of the actual files, but there was too much temptation, and it really was helpful to at least skim them in order to file them away correctly. Her mind fogs and she puts down the datapad, shaking her head. 

Les naturally absorbs any and all information, and with it she searches for more. As one piece comes in, there’s a web that breaks out in her mind, searching for more and more. Teachers would often marvel at it; she remembers when she was a youngling and Master Gunderson asked her where she keeps all that she knows, tapping her temple with his index finger. She only shrugged, smiling dumbly at him, stunned by his presence. 

But it is overwhelming. She feels so much already, thinks forward as much as she can, and her mind is always rolling with the old and new. The Force flows through her like every other Jedi, she’s sure, but it can be exhausting taking it all in at once. She’s asked about it, but she only gets met with the same advice.

“Clear your mind, padawan. You must learn to clear your mind otherwise you will crumble under the weight of your gift.”

Just the thought of another person telling her that makes her want to crumble in a ball. She’s a good Jedi, she knows that, but meditation? Not her strong point.

If she’s ever going to be on the Council, she’ll need to master it. It’s always been a point of dread for her, her energy flowing out of her always making it hard for her to sit still and settle her mind enough to completely focus.

Les groans, rubbing her fingers into her eyelids. The ship is coasting through space. They’re moving slowly, Les isn’t quite sure why and her master is asleep in a bunk, unable to take her question. She gets up, braving the possibility of seeing something she doesn’t want to, and heads to the cockpit. 

She passes Benji, who is sitting at the table, rolling a chance cube. She slows, watching him. He rolls it with his eyes closed, mumbling to himself as it clinks against the metal. When it lands, he opens his eyes, face unchanged as he looks at the result and picks up the dice again. She’s not sure if he’s predicting correctly but he keeps going, the soft roll of the cube softening as she disappears into the cockpit.

The stars are bright and endless, a sight she is sure she’ll never tire of. Luckily for Les, the pilots are sitting in their own seats. The woman, April, turns back when she enters, her face void of expression, almost like the act of piloting this ship bores her.

“Hello, Jedi.”

“Oh, hi, but actually I’m a padawan--”

“Can I hold your lightsaber?” Andy chimes in, turning all the way around in his seat.

“No you cannot,” Les says. “It’s dangerous.”

Andy deflates, sighing as he leans back in his chair. Les clears her throat and apologizes.

“It’s okay,” Andy says, but he puts his chin in his hand and sighs like she’s just delivered the worst news in the whole galaxy.

“I mean, maybe later.”

That perks him up, his blue eyes rounding and mouth expanding in a huge smile. She returns it, his happiness absorbing into Leslie like a sponge. It helps clear her mind a little.

“Anyway,” Les starts, “I was wondering why we’re moving so slow.”

Andy puts a hand to his chest. “That’s not my fault, I swear the MAUS-RT can move much faster than this. That Jedi lady said we had to go slow.”

“She did?” Les asks.

“Yeah, whatever business you have in the outer rim… wait, where are we going babe?”

April’s feet are propped up on the dashboard, awfully close to controls that Les doesn’t really understand. Even though her instincts would probably be true, she makes a note to ask Master Ron to take her out flying soon. 

“En-Poly,” April says, her eyes fixated on a spot on her jacket. 

“Right, yes.” Andy snaps his fingers. “She said whatever business you have there is dangerous and some jerks don’t know you’re coming so we are laying low.”

“Wait, then how long will it take to get there?” Les really wishes she didn’t spend hours organizing and instead spent them evaluating the assignment details.

“Two days,” April says.

Two days? She thought the trip wouldn’t take more than a few hours, if that. She can already sense the restlessness welling up inside her, dread pooling in her stomach. She needs time to look over the plans but days in a ship, the anxiety of what’s to come bubbling in her system? She’s going to drive herself crazy. Even if she could meditate, where the hell would she do it? Master Ron would argue she should be able to clear her mind anywhere. 

“Hey can I hold your lightsaber now?”

Without thinking, Les pulls out her lightsaber, the metal cool and buzzing beneath her touch. April reaches across to Andy’s seat, grabbing his hand.

“Babe, no.”

“But--”

“No.”

Les blinks and watches Andy’s head fall a little in disappointment, but eventually, he nods. Les shakes her head, holstering her weapon. She needs to clear her mind, she’s letting goofy pilots hold her lightsaber. She obviously can’t think straight.

April steps over to Andy’s seat and strokes his cheek in a tender touch and as Les watches April whispers to him and eventually kiss him, something warm and happy bubbles at Leslie’s temples and starts buzzing in her stomach. They separate and Andy flattens his forehead against April’s. Leslie closes her eyes, and she sees a flash of April’s face and then Andy’s, her vision zooming out to reveal April’s belly big and round.

Les clears her throat, stepping back. They don’t notice her as she leaves, April now straddling Andy in the pilot seat.

She hurries through to the main hold and passes Benji and her sleeping master into the small back room of the ship. The window is huge and reveals the large expanse of stars behind them. She takes a deep breath, then another, trying to listen to her own mind as she repeats the steps to get her in a meditative state. She repeats them over and over until she groans, frustrated and nowhere closer to peace.

“Hey, everything okay?”

Les spins and sees Benji there, eyes furrowed a little, his hand on the metal frame of the doorway. She can tell by the soft gaze of his eyes that he’s searching for whatever it is he thinks she must be feeling. He’s going to come up empty or entirely too full.

“It’s nothing,” she snaps. “I’m sorry, I’m just feeling frustrated.”

“What’s wrong?” Benji asks, stepping into the room, stepping carefully over the pillows on the floor. “Did you feel something?”

“No, no. I mean, maybe, but no. I just -- whew -- I can’t clear my mind.”

Benji nods. She can sense his own frustration, with a hint of curiosity, maybe. It’s seeping from him, soft and cautious. Is he afraid of her? Maybe when she’s wound up and overwhelmed like this, she gives off something… dark.

That’s not good. 

Benji walks up next to her, leaning back on the window. The stars dot behind him and in this low lighting and the way he stands there, slumped and a little unsure, he doesn’t look that grown up afterall. 

“I remember in a class with Master Milton -- well, it was his class, but we had a sub, do you remember?” He doesn’t give her much time to answer before he continues. “Milton couldn’t be there so we had Garry.” 

Les, like with most of her memories, remembers clearly. Garry wasn’t, and still isn’t, a Master, but a Jedi Knight who spent most of his time at the Archive. He’s pleasant and nice, but there is a reason why he is regulated to keeping track of the galaxy instead of out in it. 

“We were just younglings, but Garry was desperately trying to get you to meditate.” Benji smiles, his voice on the edge of laughter. “We were so terrible, we were all laughing at him because he was sweating so much and trying to think of all these different ways you could clear your mind, but you weren’t having it.”

“I still hate when I’m told to calm down.”

Benji laughs at that. “I know.” 

Les smiles, a laugh caught in her throat. She drops her chin, looking at the floor, remembering. She was maybe 12 or 13, her mind active with the possibilities of being on the Council. Needless to say, searching for the future wasn’t helping her in classes and she wasn’t doing so well for a few weeks. Garry must have felt her frustration and was trying to help her out, but she remembers very clearly only getting more and more frustrated, not only at Garry, but with herself. The anger whipped at her bones like flames and it was intense but she kept it buried. She tried to.

She remembers Benji behind Garry, so much smaller and even more scrawny than he is now. No beard, face full of clean angles. He’s laughing with Chris and Tom. A pit grows in her stomach, one of embarrassment and shame. That feeling follows her here, in the back of the MAUS-RT, eight years later.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m fine.”

Benji tilts his head in playful disbelief. Les rolls her eyes and slumps down onto the ground. She leans against the window and runs her thumb and forefinger over the material of a pillow. The pillows look dirty but feel expensive, like something two pilots could never afford. They’re probably thieves, too. Possibly smugglers. She chooses not to look into it.

Benji fidgets for a moment before starting to retreat back to the main hold. Les watches him until he stops in the doorway, turning around.

“Do you want to know what I do?”

Les shrugs. “Can’t hurt.”

“Meditation is about the only thing I’ve mastered,” Benji mumbles.

Les kicks his leg as he sits down across from her. “Hey, what kind of talk is that?”

Benji’s smile reeks of self loathing but he nods, acknowledging that those thoughts aren’t meaningful, especially when he’s about to settle in for meditation. She watches him settle on a pillow, crossing his legs, not close to his body like she’s seen some Jedi do, but in a soft twist. He rolls his neck and takes in a breath, his chest puffing out in a nice arch and deflating slowly. There’s something clean circulating around them and there’s that faint smell of forest in the air again.

“Okay,” he says, “come away from the wall.” He motions for her to move forward and she does. He’s about three feet away from her, a distance he must be mindful of because when she moves forward, he scoots back just as much. “Get comfortable. I like this position.” He gestures to his body.

Get comfortable? Yikes, this is already terrible. Les wiggles on the pillow, crosses her legs one way and tries another, spreads them out in front of her, careful of Benji. She rolls her shoulders a few times, cracks her neck, and eventually gives up, flopping her hand toward him.

“See?”

“Wow.” He shakes his head. “I can feel your frustration. It’s really hot.” Les’ cheeks burn and Benji coughs, shaking his head. “I mean, like, warm. Temperature wise.” He coughs again. “What about breathing? Deep breaths, yeah?”

Les groans.

“You gotta give me something here, Les.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

Ben smiles and nods once, rubbing his hands together. “Okay, just sit like that, you can move if you need to later. Close your eyes.” 

The thought of closing her eyes alone makes her heart beat jump a little. She closes them and her mind flashes, just bits and pieces of things that are coming through her easily. They’re a little nonsensical but she’s receiving them just the same.

“Woah,” Benji whispers. “I’m not going to tell you to calm down, but--”

“Shut it,” she says, laughing a little. Something falls in her lap. She grabs it, squeezing. “What’s this?”

“Channel some of your energy to the pillow. Squeeze it.” She can feel him move closer to her, electricity buzzing in her veins. He lowers his voice. “I don’t know, I’m improvising.”

Les smiles, gripping onto the pillow. She focuses on the push and pull of the fluff, the smooth texture. If something flashes into her mind without her consent, she squeezes harder, as if it will physically leave her body that way. 

For a while, that seems to work. She’s not sure if it’s the movement of her muscle, or the tangible feeling against her skin, but she doesn’t feel as stagnant as usual when she’s trying to clear her mind. She’s not studying or dueling or anything, but she still feels in motion somehow. Her breaths flow through her, probably still too fast, but she actually can taste the oxygen on her tongue, each notch in her lungs filling. Her heart beat is so pure in her ears, almost as if she can’t hear the faint hum of the ship, or the smooth breaths of the man across from her.

“Good,” he whispers. His voice sounds fluid almost, washing over her in a soft wave.

She’s almost weightless. Her mind echoes in soft pieces that come to her, only heightening in volume, in depth, when she calls to them. It’s just not feelings, not people, but the stars and the vast emptiness of the sky that clings to her, too. In the far off distance, there are planets with streams of cold water, others coated in sand that scratch at her skin. 

Gently, the pillow moves from her lap, slipping through her limp fingers. Benji’s hand slides underneath hers and it her mind widens further. There are pauses and things slow down while others disappear completely. He lightly presses his thumb to the top of her hand and he doesn’t speak, but she can hear him.

Breathe in when I press down on your hand, breathe out when I let go.

Les doesn’t nod or say anything, only acknowledges and accepts his help. He must feel it because his thumb presses down on the top of her hand and she instinctively takes in a breath. It’s not that big, and when she releases he doesn’t give her much time until he makes her take in another. As he goes, the push of his thumb gets longer and longer. 

It’s freeing to not think about the rhythm of her breaths, and her mind clears even more until she’s raw and absolutely open. She gradually searches the possibilities of this assignment. The details flow through her mind just by letting them come to her, the Force guiding her toward whatever answers she seeks.

\--

She’s alone when she opens her eyes. The Force is still beating hot and alive in her veins, but it instantly starts to dull when she focuses on the inside of the ship. Her stomach grinds together, grounding her further, her mind clear enough that she can listen to her body. She can also hear whispers on distant planets, the crash of waves along shores, the sizzling of stars. It’s refreshing to easily pull away from some things and focus in on others. She’s giddy on the feeling, biting her lips closed as a smile fights to take over her face. 

Benji. This isn’t the first time he’s helped her, or vice versa. Going through training together will do that, but Benji’s been around since she was a youngling and their lightsabers didn’t even buzz with electricity yet. She remembers when she tried to move a rock off the ground and she accidentally blasted herself backwards, into Benji. The class of young padawans laughed, but Benji helped her up and held onto her as he asked if she was okay. She was, somehow she was more okay with his hand on her shoulder, eyes big on her. She was so okay that she turned around quickly and easily lifted the rock back up, surprising everyone. Benji finally let her go to clap for her.

Les could always feel the uncertainty seeping from Benji, but he never talked about it. Sometimes she’d catch him looking at her, looking away quickly. Sometimes he would whisper questions to her (“Where are you pulling from to do that?” “Did you make up that combination?”) and they used to seek each other out at larger gatherings. Once, at a funeral, he held her hand. She didn’t see him, but she knew it was him. She could feel it.

But even before Benji left training with Master Jenn, he’s been absent. She couldn't even feel him in the halls or the familiar rush in her veins when he was near. His celebration for moving on to his mentor training was a small event, and he only waved goodbye to her at the end of the party. She couldn’t search him, either, as if he had a block up.

Being in the ship with him, meditating with him -- with his help -- has been refreshing and startling all at once. She closes her eyes and takes one more breath to try to even herself out. It helps, a little, but she knows it’s the meditation that’s really keeping her clear.

Les stands on weak legs, stretching and wiggling before she walks through the bunks into the main hold. Master Ron is awake now, sifting through a deck of cards, datapad on his knee. He’s thinking about something, something regarding the assignment. He’s protecting his thoughts. Les doesn’t see Master Jenn, and she finds Benji sitting with his lightsaber in his hand, looking toward the cockpit. His face is blank, fingers rubbing along the ridges at the base of his weapon, but she can feel the reach of his curiosity spreading in the air. 

She makes herself food in the kitchen, feeling Benji’s gaze on her back, but deciding to not search the feeling behind it, or the one that stirs around slowly in her chest. Andy comes in and prepares something terrible looking next to her, asking her a few more questions about her lightsaber (“Can it really chop off someone’s head?”) before disappearing into the cockpit again. 

There’s a spot open next to Benji and without thinking, she takes it. He smiles at her and she elbows him, taking a bite of her sandwich. He nudges her back.

“Thank you,” Les says.

Benji smiles, rolling the chance cube between his fingers. “Did it help?”

Les nods, chewing.

“I’ve never had a session like that before, how long was I out?”

Benji’s neck grows pink. “Three hours.”

“Three hours?” she yells. Master Ron clears his throat.

Benji nods. “That’s good! You were… you needed it.”

The hitch in his voice makes her wonder if she’s _too much_ for him. Like the Force is scattered inside her and to be near her is exhausting. Some people have told her this to her face, so it isn’t a wild thought, but it does make her gaze fall.

Les pushes back the shame that tries to climb inside her. Instead she brushes the crumbs off her fingers and pushes her plate away, gripping the table as she leans in closer to him. His pulse quickens, so she backs away a little.

“How did you talk to me like that?”

Benji swallows. “I, uh, Jenn taught me.”

“That’s incredible. You know not all Jedis can do that.”

He nods. “Yeah, I know.” He sways his head back and forth as if contemplating something. “I’m not that powerful, I’m not really a natural--”

“Hey, stop.”

“It’s okay,” Benji says, shrugging. “But, Master Jenn says my focus is really good, advanced even.”

“I’ll say.”

He smiles, eyes lifting. They’re a beautiful warm brown color. She leans in closer to him, something behind those eyes pulling her. 

“Yeah, so she trained me to do a lo tof mind tricks. I’m not a good fighter, but at least I can manipulate people, right?”

Les jumps, clapping her hands together. “Let’s fight!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Come on, I’ll teach you. You taught me to clear my mind, now it’s my turn. I’m excellent with a lightsaber, just ask Master Ron.” Les springs out of her seat. “I beat him just the other day.”

Benji lifts his eyebrows, impressed, following her to the rear hold. They toss pillows to the walls, leaving some space for them to spar. Les bounces on her toes, her hands already warming in excitement. It spreads to her stomach, her chest, makes her head buzz. She looks around the room, walking the perimeter.

“This’ll work,” she says, taking out her lightsaber. 

Benji is quick to unholster his own, activating it before she does. She can already sense his uncertainty, the fear. She’s felt caution before, but not fear. They’re not supposed to hold onto fear.

“Let go of your fear, Benji.”

He turns his wrist, sending a flash of green in front of him. He points his saber low, to the side. He closes his eyes, every muscle in his body contracting and then letting go and before she can take another breath, the fear is gone.

“Wow.”

Benji opens his eyes and lifts his weapon. His stance is solid, classic in form and it’s clear he’s perfected it. She jumps, twirling her lightsaber, arching her arm above her head, bending her knees. Every teacher she’s had has advised her against this stance, but she has never felt more at home than when she’s standing this way, her weapon buzzing in her hand and heart racing.

“Combination 6,” Les says, “I’ll take defense.”

“Combinations? I thought that was more my speed.” Benji smiles, his face flushed with green light.

“I know.”

Benji shakes his head, raising his saber and swiping it to her right, calling out, “One.”

She follows his movements, blocking each one, both of their voices softly calling out numbers as they go. Les calls out another combination and they switch sides until they’ve done most of them. Benji twirls his saber and Les can feel the ease in him now.

“Alright, let’s spar.”

“Offense,” Benji calls.

She nods and waits. He springs forward and she calls his move before he follows through, connecting their blades. He swipes up and over her head, pushing her back. She lets him swipe and hit, taking soft steps backward. He’s stiff and formulaic, but he’s still powerful. She tries to delay her counters to see how he reacts but he just follows through as if he’s bested her. But she can see the drag in his follow through, the tremble in his fingers on the hilt. 

Their blades clash across her chest and she lets him push forward, making her back fall back against the glass. She smiles, blue and green sparks flying between them. Les shoves him forward, letting go of her weapon with her left hand, pushing him back a little. He stumbles, pointing his lightsaber down.

She turns her lightsaber in her hands then switches to her left. “Offense.”

Benji blocks her and she spins, sliding the blade up near his chest. He springs back, tapping her blade with the end of hers. He pushes her, her feet lifting off the ground before hitting the wall behind her. She yelps as her feet touch the floor. 

He closes his eyes, only for a few seconds, but it’s enough to clear the air between them. He’s zeroed in on her, she can feel in the depths in her bones.

Les springs forward, their sabers clashing in sparks. She’s almost certain there is no offense or defense anymore. Their roles switch depending on who has the upper hand, who rolls away and uses a rare technique to surprise the other, who decides to use the Force to get their opponent away from them so they can spring forward without resistance. It doesn’t feel like sparing, not fighting, not like anything she’s ever done before. Like she’s fighting a piece of herself and a piece of him is moving her own arms. She’s unsure who is controlling their dance and she’s not at all worried about it.

Benji walks away from her, spinning out of a hold. He’s smiling, panting with a rush adrenaline that she knows all too well. There’s a bead of sweat falling down his neck that she watches for a beat too long. 

He raises his lightsaber high and moves it down over her head, Les blocking it. He holds her blade with his above her head until she’s on her knees. She bends back and just when she feels him start to push a little more, she slides between his legs, springing up behind him. He turns and she slices down, stopping right above his wrist.

“Hand gone,” she says between breaths.

“But I need that hand.”

Les smiles, deactivating her weapon. She holsters it as Benji does the same and they shake hands. He holds onto hers. His hand is cool, which seems impossible; she’s on fire.

“I thought you said you weren’t good with a lightsaber.”

He laughs. “I’m not.”

“You’re really formulaic, you were your best when you loosened up a little. Stop acting like a droid.”

“Hey I’m not a droid.” He pulls her closer to him and pokes her side. She giggles. 

“You are kind of like a droid. Remember when you used to spout out facts during class to seem better than everyone else?”

“Hey! You did that too.” Benji collapses in a pile of pillows. “Or tried to beat me in Political Negotiations.”

“Well, I can’t help it if your ideas are stupid and completely unrealistic.”

“Mine were unrealistic? You’re the one who came up with the orphan relief proposal.”

“It was a good idea.”

Benji throws a pillow at her and Les stops it mid-air and sends it back his way, knocking him in the face. He laughs, tossing the pillow aside. He wipes the sweat from his temples and nestles into the pillows some more. She listens to the hushed whispers outside, watching the stars, her body weighing down with fatigue.

“You’re incredibly powerful,” Benji whispers. Les adjusts so she can see him. He’s also watching the stars, his chin pointed up, eyes lost, a little dazed. “My first tests were so low, I’m always afraid the Council will realize they made a mistake in letting me in.”

Les turns on her side, facing him, propping herself on her elbow. “You shouldn’t have fear, Benji.”

“I know, I know.” He turns to her. “It’s only sometimes. Like dueling you or sitting with you while you try to clear your mind. Your mind is endless, you know that? I can feel it, everything inside you. You ooze your power. It’s incredible.”

Les moves her gaze away from him, cheeks hot and stomach swirling in something new. Something like nerves and heat, with a sputtering of excitement. There was a small glimpse of this feeling when she first saw him in the hangar earlier that day. 

“You’re being far too nice,” Les whispers. “But you’re mind is clear and powerful, I can feel it, I think -- I think it helps me.”

“Yeah, I…” Benji’s voice drops off and he grabs her hand. She stiffens and he lets go. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I--”

“No that was inappropriate.” Benji sits up, rubbing his face, dragging his hands over his hair, over the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.” He stands.

“Benji, it’s okay.” She moves to grab him but he’s quicker, harshly slicing his hand through the air, away from her. A claw grabs her heart, pulling. Her hand falls.

“Search your feelings,” he says.

Then he leaves, her heart squeezed as if in a vice. The voices start again, louder this time, all invading her mind along with every other force in the universe. She falls back on the pillows, tries to squeeze another to get her mind clear, so she can find what she needs to from Benji’s warning, but it’s all too much. She needs his help to get there, maybe, but she’s afraid to go to him.

She’s not supposed to be afraid.

\--

Les doesn’t remember falling asleep but her dreams come in a rushed fluidity. There’s images of everyone on the ship, futures and pasts, there’s times in the Temple, people she doesn’t know who are suffering, people who are joyous. She sees Benji in her dreams, holding her hand, hugging her. There’s a flash that is so vivid and visceral of him holding her, both of their bodies bare. It makes her jolt awake.

She’s buzzing and aching, the feeling completely new. Whatever she felt, whatever pull that was there between her and Benji before, it’s gone, replaced by this. It’s hurtful, scathing heat along her chest, traveling down and spreading outward. It’s not a searing pain, more like a dull ache like when she’s worked all day with Master Ron, or those days before the padawan trials, to prove herself worthy of a master. Les falls back on the pillows, closing her eyes. She tries again to squeeze another pillow over her chest, rubbing her fingers into the fabric. 

She can’t do it, all she sees is him. Benji arguing with her in Political Strategy, Benji laughing in the cafeteria at the next table over. Benji telling her he has a master now. There’s Benji without a braid, beard thicker and neater than it is now, pacing the Archive.

This isn’t right, none of this feels right. Let it go, let it go, let it go.

“Les?”

Les snaps up, hand on the hilt of her lightsaber. Benji is in the doorway of the rear hold, eyes squinted in sleep, hair mussed. He blinks rapidly, trying to make himself wake up. 

“Are you okay, it sounded like you were calling for me.”

“I’m fine, go to bed.” Her voice scratches in her throat and she curses.

As he gets closer the feeling grows, but it also starts to blur into a pleasant warmth instead of pain. Being near him is relief. His body melts down next to her and he yawns, grabbing her hand. There’s a pulse of electricity, so strong she’s certain he felt it, but if he did, he shows no sign of it. His mind is clear, unreachable.

“Close your eyes,” he says.

She does, smelling the woods, the fresh air. He presses his thumb onto the top of her hand and she inhales, releasing it as his thumb lifts. Les lets him keep rhythm, deepening her breaths, causing her mind to slowly clear. There is still a warm buzz flooding the room, twisting and turning around her. Her skin is covered in goosebumps, her heart pounding hard in her ears, but the thoughts, they rush from her mind in giant waves until there is only the functions of her body and only what she wants to let in.

There’s an itch in the corner of her mind that keeps her aware of Benji’s presence. She’s in tune with his heartbeat, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. It’s not distracting, almost like his functions, his presence is just a natural part of her. Which is ridiculous, there is no room in another Jedi for someone else, there are no attachments allowed, it’s… unheard of. It makes you weak, which only confuses her because she’s never felt this focused. Are Ben’s powers somehow transferring to her? No, that can’t be right.

Her next breath is deep, long, and slow. Benji presses hard on the top of her hand and doesn’t let go for so long that she thinks she may pass out. He finally does, sending her breath out quickly, but it clears so much more of her mind and she can hear Benji.

Search your feelings.

It doesn’t sound like the reminder is for her, it’s personal and private but she follows the order anyway. There’s Ann back at the Temple, safe. There’s Master Ron so near that she can almost feel his heartbeat. Then there’s Benji, so close to her in every way, her chest being tugged toward him. She knows she shouldn’t follow these kinds of thoughts, that her feelings before were true: nothing about this is right.

This feeling? It’s clouding her judgement, it’s blocking the things she needs to be letting in, it’s attaching herself to something, taking her mind away from where it needs to be. She doesn’t even know if the Force is running through her as purely as it should. If it was, she wonders if she’d still be leaning forward.

Benji’s forehead makes contact with hers and she’s rushed with the curious lift she’s always felt around him, but this time, it’s more. It’s in the tips of her fingers, running through her veins, sending a buzz along her skin. It’s the Force, she’s sure of it now, but it’s twisting and turning and melding between them in a way that she’s never felt before.

“I feel it, too,” Benji breathes, voice so incredibly low.

Les flutters her eyes open. Benji’s are open too, focused so close to hers, pupils dilated, making his stare harsh and afraid. His thumb is still pressing down on her hand and releasing, their breaths in sync. Les closes her eyes and speaks on the next exhale.

“What’s happening?”

“I don’t know.”

She removes her hand from his, their foreheads still touching. “This isn’t right.”

“No,” Benji says, sliding his hands up her arms. She shivers, overwhelmed with everything coursing inside her. “I saw this.” His fingers slide up into her neck, slipping back into her hair. “But I think it’s the wrong path.”

Les nods, causing their noses to brush. Benji moans. She tries to search this moment herself, to see how their actions diverge. She wants to find it, but she can’t let go, she can’t move away from him. 

“It can’t be.” It’s the best she can come up with.

Benji is slow to move away from her. His head pulls back first, then his hands, sliding over her neck before he’s gone from her completely. Their gaze locks, Benji sitting on his knees in front of her, Les cross legged and out of breath. His stare is hot on hers, evaluating, focused. He trails over her entire body like there could be a secret lodged in her chest, somewhere in her legs, anywhere.

His voice is shaky as he speaks.

“I should go.”

Les nods, leaning back, watching her fingers smooth over each other in her lap. Benji stands up and the drop she feels at his departure is alarming because it feels as if the Force is leaving her, even though she knows, she is absolutely positive, that’s not what’s happening.

Either way, it causes her arm to shoot up and this time, she catches his hand.

“I saw us. We were in bed, together.”

Benji hangs his head, face constricting as if hearing this pains him. He sighs, looking away from her.

“I saw it, too.”

Les pulls. It’s gentle but he follows it down, back to her. “I saw you in the future.” She tugs on his braid. “A Jedi Knight.”

Benji pushes back Les’ own braid, settling his hand on her neck, the other traveling around her waist, pulling her close. “

“I saw you with the tall trees on the forest moon of Endor, with white flowers in your hair,” Benji whispers. He leans in close, brushing his lips against her cheeks. “Marrying me.”

“We can’t be married,” Les breathes. Benji moves to her other cheek, kissing it. Les’ eyes roll back, a softness rolling into her stomach, between her legs, fluttering in her chest. 

“I know.”

Les moves forward and Benji follows until their lips connect. There’s a rush of heat and they spring apart, eyes wide. The warmth tingles, petering out and dropping to her stomach in a delightful burn that she needs to feel again. Benji is ahead of her, grabbing her face and directing her to his lips.

He digs his fingers into her hair, gripping to bring her closer. Les is the first one to open her mouth, and she’s met with an excited groan deep in Benji’s throat. It vibrates against her tongue and she chases the feeling, slipping into his mouth. It’s warm and his own tongue slides against hers, creating something new inside her.

Les slides over him, her legs spreading across his lap. She wants to feel him closer, but his robes are in the way, the way he holds onto her fine for now. He slides his lips along hers, over her neck as she rolls her body forward, creating a friction between them that makes a moan fall from her mouth. He whispers that she should be quiet before capturing her lips again, helping to make her hips rock so they can chase that new feeling together.

She’s not sure how long they do this, but when her lips get sore, and her breaths hard to to catch, their kisses slow. She still rocks against him and he still guides her. Their rough, desperate kisses turn into small pecks, light dusting of lips across cheeks and noses. They fall into the pillows, legs wrapped around each other, lightsabers pulled from the holsters and placed aside.

Benji’s eyes are half closed, small hums joining his breath as he runs his hand through her hair. Les is sure she keeps shifting between sleep and reality. 

“I can’t stay.”

Les hums. 

“And you should sleep in a bunk, they’re actually pretty comfortable.”

Les nuzzles into his neck, wrapping an arm around his waist. He chuckles, the vibration pleasant against her chest. She’s falling asleep, thoughts pushing through into her clear mind, ready to infiltrate her dreams.

“I saw this,” Benji mumbles into her hair, “years ago.”

“What else have you seen?” Les asks, snuggling into him. 

“I shouldn’t say, it’s not right, this is the wrong path.” He swallows. “You won’t be on the Council if we’re together.”

“How do you know I want to be on the Council?”

Benji shrugs. “I just do. And you should be.”

Les nudges her nose up, kissing his beard on the way to his lips. When they connect, he rolls her to her back, flattening above her. The kisses turn desperate again, Les sneaking a hand into the collar of Benji’s shirt so she can feel his skin. It’s hot and the feel of it beneath her fingers makes her mind clear, the Force surging through her so she can feel almost everything, the taste of wet dirt in the back of her throat.

She pulls away, panting. Benji kisses her face, trailing kisses down her neck. He nudges around her collar, dipping lower and lower.

“This can’t be the wrong path,” Les breathes. “I’ve never -- _oh_ \-- this is incredible.”

“It is, it’s wrong,” Benji says but he’s still kissing her, pawing around her body with the same greedy pull she’s doing to him.

“But you feel it, too,” Les says.

Benji stops then, his lips over her collarbone. He licks her there, making her back arch. pulls away, looking at her, eyes dark and warm all at once. She’s sure she could convince a whole army to do anything she wanted right now.

“Of course I feel it. Like, like--”

“Like we’re one.”

Benji shakes his head. “It’s the wrong path.” He kisses her again, mouth opening, digging his fingers into her hair. Leslie clutches him, pushes her body up so she can feel every piece of him, making him groan. “But stay on it with me, please.”

“Okay,” she says, their teeth bumping. 

“Just a little longer.” He pushes past her collar again, this time with his fingers, leaving a trail of flames and electricity along her skin.

“Okay.”

Benji moans, biting her bottom lip. “A lot longer.”

“Okay,” she laughs and then gasps when his hips push forward.

“A lot, lot longer?” he asks.

“Yes.”

Benji’s hand finally makes it’s way to her chest, palm flat against the her breastbone. She gasps and sees it.

Them, on the forest moon of Endor. She sees the tall trees, smells the damp earth and hears the water rushing in a nearby river. Benji’s braid is gone, so is hers, her blond hair accented with white flowers. Benji pulls her to him, cupping her face.

“I saw this,” he says.

“Me too.”

They kiss. In this ship among the stars, on the forest moon, and everywhere in between and beyond.


End file.
